The Post army life

I won't lie I just deleted a section about my friend killing himself and I could of prevented it.  A good friend named Gil that got drunk and used an airsoft can upside down to get high and killed himself.  The night started with Wilson and myself watching a new Netflix show and when I heard a knock on the front door it was Gill pretty drunk, looking for someone to drink with him.  I told him I'm going to bed even tho I knew that I was staying up all night because I couldn't sleep anymore.  He ended up killing him self that night which killed me a little inside.  I would love to skip forward to the current time like most stories do these days but after the day he killed himself I have been contemplating killing myself because I'm not worthy on living if I couldn't help out a dear friend in his time of need.

It has been two years since a deer friend has ended his life.  2015 has been a different year than anyone has expected it to be.  I still get blacked out drunk to drown out the misery of friends being killed at home and overseas.  I tried to go to the VA and get help but it didn't help I wish It did to stop living thsi nightmare that wakes everytime i close my eyes.  My friend told me writing a blog would help out my PTSD by expressing my depest memories but it seems like its just making me remembering dark memories which make the feel like shit